Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Guest Blogger: LDB!

LDB has a rare talent for drawing the strangest taxi drivers.  I keep telling her she should have her own blog because stuff happens to her that doesn't happen to anybody else, and because she can tell the story like no one else can.  Here is her latest taxi adventure:

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Lied to by a Taxi Driver

I thought that I would not be having any more taxi cab driver stories. I don't need to ride in them anymore, so I thought it was all over.  I guess not. They might be drawn to me. What is the freakin deal?

Yesterday, I went to the neighborhood hardware store to have some keys made for my back doors. Contrary to my child's denials and attempts to blame me, she keeps losing them and I can't get in and out of the house without hunting down the one key we still have. We have deadbolts on all of the doors, but you need a key to undo them--from the inside or the outside. Anyhoo...

I pulled up right next to the Yellow Cab parked at the 3H Hardware Store and shut the car off. One leg out the door, I turned around to assure by bestest and cutest dog friend in the back seat that I'd be right back. As I did so, the car started rocking and I heard a crunch. The cab driver next to me had turned his wheel too quickly when he backed out and caught the back passenger side panel of my car (that I have had for nearly a year accident free thank you very much--some of you know this is big for me). I saw the grimace on his face (and felt his pain) as he dislodged his car from mine and pulled back into his space. I got out and walked around and realized it wasn't that bad. A 3 inch dent, a 3 inch scratch and lots of Yellow Cab skin that I could rub off with my fingernail. I have done way worse to my own cars single-handedly. I was about to look up and say "Oh, it's not that bad, don't worry about it" to the person who I guessed would be jumping out of his car saying, "sorry." I am so gracious, right? Guess what? When I looked up, the dude was backing out trying to leave. Hello? I knocked on his hood and said, "hey, you hit my car." Busted. As my niece would say, "him was not happy."

Suddenly, the dent and scratch and yellow paint seemed worse. I know this cheapens my graciousness a bit. I wouldn't have cared if he apologized, but he tried to leave. I am not that good.

Cab driver: We need to call the police.
Me: No we don't. Just give me your insurance.
Cab driver: It's company policy.
Me: That's ridiculous, they have enough to do.
Cab driver: I have to call my supervisor and it will take a long time.
Me: Whatever. Call them and give me your insurance.
Cab driver: Follow me over to David's and he'll fix it.
Me: Hell no. I am not following you anywhere. Doesn't yellow cab have some insurance?
Cab driver calls supervisor. Sits in his car probably thinking I am a total B.

I sit happily in my car listening to Mary O, psychic intuitive, on XM and cleaning out the glove box (there was all kinds of crazy stuff in there...a rubber spatula, a toy motor cycle). I've got time to wait, dude. I am also thinking I might be a total B, because I was prepared to not worry about it until he had the nerve to try and leave.  Again, I guess I am not that good.

About 20 minutes later, the cab driver brings me his cell phone and says: "One of my supervisors wants to talk to you, the other is on the way." I take the phone.

Fake supervisor: Hello ma'am. Are you ok?
Me: Yes.
Fake supervisor: Small accident or large?
Me: Small, just waiting on the insurance info.
Fake supervisor: Ma'am, if you report this he will lose his job. Please let him take you over to David's and he will repair the car.
Me (inside my head): These idiots must think I am a total idiot.
Me to Fake supervisor: Hell no. I am not following him to David's. What is your name?
Fake supervisor: Could you hold on a second?
Me to Cab driver: Give me a break, that's not your supervisor.

The dude was out of tricks for the time being. Just as I started to call Yellow Cab myself the real supervisor pulled up and quickly dealt with the whole thing. No biggie. The driver won't get fired unless he has a lot of accidents on his file.

I went into the 3H Hardware Store get the keys made. They were out of that kind of key.


  1. LDB... you hold the title of the funniest woman I've ever known. Your shenanigans continue without you even trying. When are you going to write a book?

  2. Okay, Brian's double comment was my fault. I was tweaking the formatting and thought I accidentally deleted it, but when I put it back, it was already there. I'm going to leave it alone now, before I make it worse.

  3. Brian wins the Comment Of The Month award for that one! That cracked me up.

  4. What happened to all the cuss words, Cliff?

  5. This is a family blog (for families that know or contain at least one fat bastard).

  6. LDB, Cliff and Mari, why have you all abandoned me? Was it something I said? Was it that I only brush my teeth once a month? You could have just said something rather than leaving me... Anyway, I miss all y'all's shenanagans! You guys are hilarious. LDB - STAY AWAY FROM TAXIS!!!


  7. We do feel alone and abandoned here! Just us chickens left working here now. Sigh....

  8. They didn't give me much choice, although you can say I did lobby to get laid off. At least we have the internet.