Thursday, January 21, 2010

Cold is Relative

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
Montanans plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Montanans sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
Montanans drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Texans don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
Montanans throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Montanans have the last cookout before it gets cold.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
Montana water gets thicker.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Montanans close the windows.

Californians fly away to Mexico.
Montanans get out their winter coats.

20 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
Montanans let the dogs sleep indoors.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
Montana Girl Scouts sell cookies door to door.

80 below zero:
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Penguins leave Antarctica.
Montana Boy Scots postpone Winter Survival classes until it gets cold enough.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Montanans rent DVDs.

460 below zero:
All atomic motion stops.
Montanans start saying "Cold enough for ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Montana public schools open 2 hours late.

Thanks D-Liz!


  1. I have never laughed so hard in my life -- could you hear me over there? Thing of it is, folks, I can't speak for the other states and countries Cliff mentions, but the stuff about Montana is all true.

  2. Thanks, Mary. I thought you would appreciate this. Your part of the state is a bit colder than mine.

  3. Really funny. As a native Texan, I like it a bit cold. I seem to remember camping in the cold, though, and getting hypothermia-like symptoms....hmmm. I better stay in Texas. SOS